Headlining the typical watch reviewer’s list of “watches to avoid” are fashion style luxury watches, a lower-quality watch that’s been branded by some fashion house (e.g. Gucci), manufactured in China, with not a lot of regard for what makes a good, and most times not even a good-looking, watch.

In this case, it’s a particularly bad looking one, offensive even, to all of my senses. She tried her best. She thought, “he’s a watch guy. He’ll love this busy looking slice of circus.”

Getting a gift often means receiving something you’d have never picked out for yourself, and that can be a good thing. This was certainly the case with the Pagani Design PD-1644 rose gold with black face — 40mm dial, sapphire crystal, Seiko VK63 movement — that I got as a gift, (from the same wonderful woman whose perseverance in the face of gifting cheap gross watches never fails to amaze), which I did not like it at all at first, but it has grown on me and I actually enjoy wearing it in certain situations. Is that what we have here? Hmmm.

My gut says no.

What we have here is a Curren 8395, measuring a colossal 47.3mm diameter (51mm including the crown), 14mm thick (a lot for a quartz watch), 54mm lug-to-lug, screwback 316L stainless steel case, 24mm lug width, with bracelet tapering to 22mm at the clasp.

Just look at that dial. What’s not to like? Well, we’re certainly not short of options: how about the indices all being a jumble of circles, long rectangles, short rectangles, and squares? How about the face having diagonal lines at the bottom, then matte finish, but also smooth, depending on where you look? How about three subdials, each with their own unique design and shape? How about the misalignment of the seconds subdial, or the case bezel? Being a chronograph, I’d have suspected a tachymeter, but instead we have red dive-watch-inspired markings from the 12 o’clock to 3 o’clock (0-15 mins), so there’s a bit of confusion. Not like you’d even risk going swimming with this thing, as there’s only 30m of water resistance, so washing your hands might even be a bit risky. And it’s so heavy that drowning wouldn’t be out of the question.

We have three different style pushers, making the appearance consistent in its inconsistency. Making them three different colors continues that trend.

Sizing the bracelet was an exercise in patience. When you have to break out the big hammer and chisel, you know you’re in for a treat. The push pins did not want to budge at first, and required a lot of persuasion. They moved eventually, but wow.

That brings me to the one thing I cannot fault: this is a comfortable watch. Annoyingly, it’s almost “too comfortable.” I wanted to hate it and I do, and at 153 grams, it’s heavier than I’m used to, but I’ll be damned if it’s not incredibly comfortable to wear, as rattily and inexpensive and built-to-a-budget as it is. Maybe it’s the wide 22mm bracelet, or how the case allows the bracelet to drop straight down from the 54mm lug width, but it feels great to wear. Even without any micro adjustment on the clasp (which is branded and looks pretty good), it fits me perfectly.

The chronograph works (though you’d struggle to read it), and it functions to tell you the date and time, so as far as primary functions go, it gets that right. Surprisingly, the blue IP coating on the bezel and bracelet isn’t so terrible, and works well enough with the polished rose gold color on the sides of the case.

Could I ever wear this watch? Maybe… to the circus, if I was performing as a clown? I suppose, if I were attacked on the street by a pack of wild dogs, I could use it to bash them, or distract with the garish colors. Maybe if I knew in advance I was going to be mugged, I could wear this watch and any robber would realize it’s absolutely not worth it; and if I ever found myself in a karaoke rap-battle and needed to duke it out onstage with Flava Flav, this watch would put me in the ballpark to let everyone know I knew what time it was (yeah, right — time to get my coat).

Aside from wearing under coats with excessively long sleeves (so as to hide it) the only place for this watch is into the box of shame, with maybe a few of the other inhabitants getting early release for lesser crimes of gaudiness.

The Curren 8395: it’s “a lot”; ideal for those with a high tolerance for overdoing it, badly.